what I needed

Have you ever had one of those days (or nights, weeks, months, etc.) when everything has already been piling up on you for some time, and you really are trying to do better in those areas you have New-Year's-resolved to make an effort in, but you're getting no results or good feelings or blessings or anything? Your husband's in his office trying to catch up on the work he had to miss when he was incapacitated by strep throat for 5 days, so he's got his own stress to deal with, the kids (one especially) are absolutely non-cooperative with your keeping-the-Sabbath-Day-holy offerings, and you really did try to start the day with a good attitude.

When it all builds up to an edge you're about to fall over, then you run into the closet in tears, drop to your knees, and sincerely offer up a prayer that includes the words "I just can't do this part by myself - I need You." There's no miraculous turnaround, no beam of strength slicing through the closet ceiling to descend upon you, there's not even that warm feeling inside - not yet. It comes a little later in the day, when your arms are still held out in despair and your hands are still in a little bit of a claw shape because you're so frustrated, and...into them drops a little pearl. Small, but so precious because of what it meant and when it came. In my case, it was a "Thanks for dinner, Mom. Sure, I'll clean my plate." (This from the kid who five minutes earlier had wailed and wept because I told him we were having meat loaf for dinner.) And a little bit later, another pearl, in the form of the same kid explaining, quite thoroughly, a deep understanding of what his teacher had taught in Primary that afternoon. And another, when we were reading scriptures tonight, and Dad explained a passage we read and the very same kid (who, YES, was the main reason my hands turned into claws earlier) said, "I think I understand what this means. So if we do what God asks...[proceeding to reiterate Dad's explanation in his own words]." And that was all I needed. My burdens weren't taken away, and my children weren't automatically changed into perfect beings, and that kid will probably give me grief about the spaghetti we are having for dinner tomorrow, but I was given just a little bit of what I needed - hope. And sometimes, that's all we need.

oligodendroglioma

About 5 years ago, my brother, the one just a year younger than me (I'll call him yb), suffered a seizure in the middle of a racquetball game and was rushed to the hospital. An MRI scan showed a tumor in his brain with the name you saw in the 8-syllable mouthful that is the title of this post. To make a long story short, surgeons removed the tumor (along with a bunch of tissue from his right frontal lobe) and he's been "okay" ever since. ("Okay" being defined as placed on anti-seizure medications and scheduled for regular MRI's for the rest of his life, but able to return to work, school, driving a car - after 3 months' wait - and life in general after recovery.) He had another seizure about 2 years ago, but other than that, has pretty much been just a regular guy (missing a chunk of his brain - that's yb's brain in the picture after his surgery).

Yb waited until after Christmas to tell all of us that his most recent MRI showed another growth in the right frontal lobe again. His doctors told him this was common with this type of tumor and scheduled him for another surgery. Last Monday, they removed the new growth, along with "quite a bit of tissue" (the surgeon's words). Recovery hasn't been so smooth this time, but yb still manages to find the time to blog about it.

What I find so amazing about this whole deal (aside from the marvels of modern medicine and their associated technology) is his attitude. I talked to him the night before his surgery, and we talked a lot about how he felt about the whole thing. His attitude basically boiled down to this: It's all in God's hands, and I know everything will be okay.

How different would our lives be if we all had this attitude? Toward everything, not just brain tumors? Would people still complain? Would this kind of patience extend to minor frustrations as well, like today, when I've chased the puppy around the house 8 times after she snatched 8 different things she's not supposed to chew? I just marvel at such a perspective. He's a great example.

55 cents' worth of steadfastness

Okay, I know I'm not the only one who's ever had to refuse a child, but I have to tell this story...

Today I took Miss Bee with me to the music store to get some sheet music for an upcoming piano recital. She was very cooperative and didn't even touch any of the 4 dozen pianos in the showroom while I was finding what I needed in the sheet music section. We finished and got up to the checkout counter, which was where she discovered (among all the other music-related odds and ends for sale) a box of Whistle Pops. I had bought one for her on one (only one) previous occasion, but apparently she felt she deserved one again and asked for one. I felt she did NOT deserve one, since she had sneaked a Jello pudding from the fridge earlier today without asking, so I felt she had had her treat and told her just that. She responded by grabbing a blue pop and disappearing into the forest of pianos. (There went my cooperative little Bee.)

I was in the middle of my transaction, so I calmly finished it and fished the little stinker out from the pianos. We had a quiet but firm nose-to-nose conversation through our teeth, after which she very reluctantly put the Whistle Pop back in the box and burst into tears while I carried her out of the store. I hate being the center of public scenes like this, but several battles in Wal-marts all across North Texas with her brothers when they were her age have cured me of caring too much. She did not stop crying the whole 15 miles back to our house, and I heard all the way home how I was breaking her heart. Here are some examples of what came from the backseat:

"I wanted that! It was mine!"

"Oh, I miss her! I miss Missy!"

[me:] "Who's Missy?"

"It's the whistle pop! Mom, I named her!"

"Mommy, how could you do this to me??? Ohhhhh, MISSY! Now you're gone, and I don't get to lick you and play the whistle and eat you and - Ohhhhhh!"

"Mom, can you go back and get it? It has my germs on it - I licked it already!" [Yes, I was a bit horrified at this, but the sucker was completely encased in wrapping, and I'm sure if the salesman heard her say this, well, throwing 55 cents away wouldn't break the bank]

(If you've ever seen the movie Dan in Real Life, imagine the scene where Steve Carell sends his teenage daughter's boyfriend [who sneaked up to their family cabin] home in a taxi. Do you remember the daughter's reaction? Now imagine the same scene with a 4-year-old and a blue Whistle Pop, and you've got the idea.)

So, you may be saying, why didn't I just buy the candy? It was such a little thing. Was it that big of a deal? Was it worth 15 miles of tearful pleading and begging? Yes, dangit; I was standing my ground! And with my little girl, who I'll admit, is hard to say "no" to! There was a principle involved! Yes, she cried for 15 minutes solid, but we had to stop at the grocery store on the way back, and I got her out of the car and just let her sob in my arms in the parking lot for a minute, got her a sample from the tortilla machine in the bakery, and she was fine.

So now I'd love to hear your "NO" stories - blog about them and leave me a note in the comments. I'm sure you've got better ones than mine!

roots (so to speak)

Well, here we are, 3 days after Christmas, socked up in Grandma's and Grandpa's house with all the toys, all the kids, Grandma/Grandpa, and one puppy. Yes, P-U-P-P-Y. Santa brought us a yellow lab, and she is just the sweetest thing. Driving her 1000 miles back home to Texas is going to be an adventure, though. If you don't see any more posts after January 6th, you'll know we didn't make it.



Anyhoo, we attended G & G's ward today - the ward I grew up in, where many of my friends' parents still attend (and a few of my friends; all-grown-up). This isn't, of course, the first time I have come back to visit and then go to church with my parents, but every time I do, I feel my age a little more. Not that I feel old, necessarily; but the space between my growing-up years and where I am now seems to get a little wider with each visit. Every time I come back, I see something or someone that reminds me of how it was to grow up here, and it gets me a little nostalgic. I know I'm not the only one this happens to, but you can still indulge me a little memory - right, reader?



So this time it was a "who" I saw that got me. I was sitting in Relief Society with my mom, waiting for the meeting to start. There was prelude being played on the piano, and I looked up to see who was playing it and it was my former piano teacher. This lady taught all of the kids in my family at one time or another, including me. I took from her for a total of 6 years (I had a short stint with another teacher that didn't last long because one of us ran out of patience - I think it was her) before quitting in high school because I got too busy. She must be in her 70s or 80s now, but you could still hear the skill in her playing; even when she was just playing the opening hymn (a task which I have done several times in R.S., and I'll even admit I don't bother with too much expression because I don't think anyone pays that much attention). Anyway, it was still a pleasure to listen to, and it made me think ahead to when I'm in my 70s or 80s and playing the piano - I hope I'm still playing at that point - and hope that my abilities will progress to the point that I still desire to put forth a pleasing performance, even if it's "just the opening hymn".

ice day

The cold front blew in Sunday night, the freezing rain came last night, and the call from the school district came this morning - no school! It is an icy day in North Texas. We have had delayed school start days due to bad weather before, but never an entire day. Early morning seminary was cancelled, so dh got to sleep in a bit and decided to work from home today. With no morning rush to worry about, we enjoyed a leisurely breakfast of cinnamon rolls (made from this bread recipe using 1/4 c. of sugar instead of 2 tsp. and then shaped into roll form) and hot chocolate and we all got to eat together. The picture is of what remained after our repast.
A practice for Miss Bee's preschool Christmas program was supposed to be this morning (I'm playing the piano for it), but got cancelled, as did the program. I hope they reschedule it - this year, since she's a little older, Bee might actually get up and deliver a tear-free performance. (Also, the piano accompaniment deal is a paying gig, so the extra Christmas money would be nice!) The first words out of Stuntman's and Flip's mouths this morning (right after "No school! High fives!") were "I am NOT going outside today!" But around 9:30, there were the neighbor kids knocking on the door, and suddenly, morning chores were done, pj's were off, coats/gloves/hats were on, and we were out the door for a slippery walk down the street. Now they're all across the street at the neighbors', inside, letting Dad work and Mom blog in peace. My toes are still frozen.

helpers helping

I love it when I see random displays of kindness - people letting harried mothers cut in grocery lines, picking up things others knocked off of shelves, letting someone into their lane on the road (and the other driver giving a wave afterward). I tend to think most people intend to be good, and I hate to be proved wrong about this. Here are 2 organized ways of helping that I think are brilliant and give all of us (or at least those in North Texas) a chance to help.

First: our local public radio station has a show that comes on Friday afternoons called "Anything You Ever Wanted to Know", which consists of people calling/emailing in from all over our metro area with questions about - well - anything, and other people call/email in with answers. The questions range from "is there a local art studio where you can rent time with a pottery wheel" to "how do you tie a samurai top-knot" to "whatever happened to Paul Harvey?" It's just cool to hear people from all over offer to share their knowledge. Even the most useless tidbit you have stored away in your brain might just relieve someone's curiosity.

Second: http://www.freecycle.org/. You know how sometimes when you're cleaning out a closet or cupboard, you find something that you just don't need or use anymore, but doesn't deserve to be thrown out because it is still useable? Freecycle.org is the place to get rid of it. I gave away a hair straightening iron, an ironing board and a curling iron that I don't need anymore. The ironing board was old and bent (I even included this information in the description) and I still got a sincere "thank you!" email from the recipient, who must have really needed an ironing board. (NOTE: I realize that freecycle.org isn't anything new and has actually been around for awhile, but even though I have just discovered it, I still think it deserves any praise anyone can give it; no matter how late. It's just a good idea!)

P.S. In case you were wondering...adding camellia oil to the hair, and then tied into a top-knot on top of the head with the round top remaining will result in a traditional Samurai top-knot. Take note that Samurais also shave the top of the head in their top-knot. A traditional Samurai top-knot is a "Chonmage" (chone-maw-gay) in Japanese.

girl talk

I have posted entries in the past worrying that my only daughter lacked a certain "girly-ness". That girlyness shows up every once in awhile, but I got a little from additional sources the other day. I was transporting Miss Bee and 3 of her preschoolmates on a school field trip to the pumpkin patch, and overheard this conversation:

Miss B: I'm going to have a birthday party! [not till March, but it never hurts to plan ahead]
Miss A: Can I come?
Miss K: Me too?
Miss C: Me too?
B: Yes, everyone can come!
A: I'm going to have a party too, and I'm going to invite B, C, and K!
C: Me too!
K: I'm going to invite B, A, C, and Madison [not in their class] to my party.
C: Who's Madison?
K: My friend.
C: Is she a mermaid?
K: No.
C: Is she a princess?
K: No.
C: (a little exasperated) Then what is she?
K: She's just a girl.
C: (thinks a minute) Oh. Okay, she's good.

I got my fill of girly for the day.